Confessions of a Dark Fantasy Writer

In 1994, I had a horrific car accident almost ending my life, since that fifteen-day stint in the hospital I have vowed to live my life fully which includes facing my fears. My first confession, I am afraid of things that <em>don’t</em> go bump in the night.

Seriously, I can handle the occasional “bump.” Like when you hear a click in the night that wakes you up only to hear the next sound being the heater starting up. Or the loud thud that scared me so bad I caught my breathe and wanted to wake my sleeping husband.No, he was not in bed beside me and yes, he was the originator of the thud as he moved around the house in the dark.

These things have explanations and I can handle them. What I can’t handle are the noiseless things that move in the night or the unseen things that a part of you senses, but you cannot see or hear. Those are the things that totally freak me out. Yes, they may be part of my overactive imagination, but what if they’re not?

Originally published Jan 15, 2010

My husband has spoken a few times about going to California for a week on business. I would be left home alone to write to my heart’s content. My second confession, I really don’t want to be alone at night in this big new-to-us house. Because of the design of this room I call my office; I must sit with my back to the doorway. Last night when I could not sleep and sat here diligently working at my desk, every once and while I would look up at the open door leading to the rest of the house. Just in case. You never know what lurks silently in old houses.

My third confession is that when I was a child and yes sometimes still, I would fear cars and trucks coming up the road by my home.  Don’t ask me the origin of this phobia; it really makes no sense. All I can think is that the grill on the cars from the 1950s and 60s left a deep, tortured impression upon my psyche.  Anyway, to this day I sometimes fear a vehicle “sneaking up” behind me.

So why do I love horror fiction enough to write it, am I in some subconscious way a masochist desiring to scare myself into insanity? No, probably not.

I think it’s for the same reason that as a child I use to love reading ghost stories or as a teenager babysitting my niece I read the <em>Amityville Horror</em> in one setting. Reading horror does for me what other books do not. It entertains me and at the same time forces me to face my fear.

And so I continue writing my own horror novel based on a place I once lived. My last confession, I am so glad we moved because in a certain point in the story my heroine who is <em>roughly</em> based on me has a near fatal fall… Yes, my own writing scares me.