I can’t focus

I can’t think

The wanderlust is growing

It’s time to go,

I feel it so

With each degree it rises

The winter sun now getting hot

My patience is imploding

I loved it here

Our home away

My favorite destination

Now with each day

I fight my restlessness

Homes boarded up

Cupboards locked

Our neighbors have gone north

We are alone

I hate to moan

But it’s time we move on

My inner spirit warns

Yesterday it spoke

It was no joke

It’s voice was loud and clear

I’m done with here

This cross to bear

The Wanderers must depart.

Copyright 2008

I’m floundering

again

Too scared to know

Where to begin

I’m lost in a maze

Of confusion

Not knowing where

To start and

where to end.

There are so many stories

Inside.

A thousand voices calling

My name.

All pleading for

My attention.

Why this feeling of anxiety?

I’ve been consumed by it everyday

As though something is missing in my life

I miss having a library to spend countless hours writing

Or researching

I miss fresh air and sunshine

And long to have a balcony to relax on

Without the feeling of being pent up

In a box!

I miss stores and malls to escape to

I miss peace of mind and large bank accounts

I think we’ve been down here far too long

At this the sandy bottom of the US

I don’t long for open roads but rather open spaces

To allow my mind to soar as needed.

I am not made for pent up closures

I am not made for rules or restrictions

I am made for life and living

And breathing

And the endless flight

Of a creative mind.

I am lost in the daze of an unfamiliar fog

Mentally drained, emotionally depleted and

Physically? Restless, yes, I yearn to walk

Among the colorful landscapes of my youth,

Where reds and golds and browns layered

The ground while filling the sky above my head,

I long for chilly temperatures and the light of

Jack-a-lanterns …and the dresses and long capes

We wore back then, I long for the fellowship of

Family, the songs, the dancing, the merriment as

We embraced the natural world long gone…

I was different then, I was wild and free, and we

Were…hunted,  we did not fit their ideal,

We were strange and our naturalness was

Unnatural in their eyes, we were a threat, and so

They chased us and imprisoned us, and ultimately,

Burned us, but not to rid the earth of us, but rather

To purge their own damaged souls…, Is this why

I feel so restless? Are the memories of who and what

I was returning? Am I denying my true self?

Perhaps that is why I yearn for the simple ‘ness

Of yesterday and the love of the family and friends

Long gone…but I wonder, are the lives we live today real?

Or a lie, a search for fulfillment as we strived to hide

The truth of who we are inside, Or maybe, that’s just me.

Copyright 2014

They marched in a line, through the

Darkness of my dream, their bodies

Engorged as I remembered them, eyes

Wide, frightened, reflecting our betrayal,

To this day I remember her, her loss

I felt so strongly as a child, hearing her

Loud, horrified cries as that man

With his three stubbed fingers,

Forced her onto the bed of his truck,

“No,” I had yelled, cried out, she was

My world, my Molly…and she was there

At the head of the line, Molly so big,

So beautiful,

They were all there, Molly, her daughter

Beauty, and Baby, my Becky’s mother and some

I hardly remember, ones we hadn’t named,

In a long line,

Waiting,

My father, he was gone, but his words,

His history, his indifference remained,

A farm is no place for the soft of heart,

Our food begets our food, the first mistake

Is naming them, the second is loving them,

And the third is sending them to slaughter,

I left the farm right after high school and

Never looked back, the memories, the

Reminders, they still haunt my dreams,

My own private nightmares,

Of a place I can never return to,

And a barn that was both my haven

And the place of my first, worst nightmare.

Another legend has gone away

Too soon, too fast for us to notice

His pain before that moment

When he chose his life to end

Leaving us to mourn with endless

Sorrow his radiance,

His brilliance,

And now he’s gone, but not

Forgotten. His gifts to us

Remain and his talent will

Forevermore be remembered,

For that is all we could ever wish,

The creative among us,

That our words, our thoughts,

Our minds consumed with

Music or verse or endless chatter,

We compose and recite and write or

Act, with the hope of leaving

A lasting impression,

But to die before our natural time

Causes those left behind to wonder

With sadness and confusion

What might have been done

To help a man so loved,

So esteemed,

So extraordinary,

From leaving us far too soon,

And so I sit here with my shadows

and thoughts remembering a man

Who once brought me laughter

And sunshine and smiles and made

This often too-dark world a happier place

And I think, Yes, that is his lasting

Impression, his legacy,

For though he left us too soon,

His truly was a life well lived, and

So to you, Mr. Williams, I say, thank you,

For teaching us expressions like, “Carpe Diem,”