They marched in a line, through the

Darkness of my dream, their bodies

Engorged as I remembered them, eyes

Wide, frightened, reflecting our betrayal,

To this day I remember her, her loss

I felt so strongly as a child, hearing her

Loud, horrified cries as that man

With his three stubbed fingers,

Forced her onto the bed of his truck,

“No,” I had yelled, cried out, she was

My world, my Molly…and she was there

At the head of the line, Molly so big,

So beautiful,

They were all there, Molly, her daughter

Beauty, and Baby, my Becky’s mother and some

I hardly remember, ones we hadn’t named,

In a long line,

Waiting,

My father, he was gone, but his words,

His history, his indifference remained,

A farm is no place for the soft of heart,

Our food begets our food, the first mistake

Is naming them, the second is loving them,

And the third is sending them to slaughter,

I left the farm right after high school and

Never looked back, the memories, the

Reminders, they still haunt my dreams,

My own private nightmares,

Of a place I can never return to,

And a barn that was both my haven

And the place of my first, worst nightmare.

Another legend has gone away

Too soon, too fast for us to notice

His pain before that moment

When he chose his life to end

Leaving us to mourn with endless

Sorrow his radiance,

His brilliance,

And now he’s gone, but not

Forgotten. His gifts to us

Remain and his talent will

Forevermore be remembered,

For that is all we could ever wish,

The creative among us,

That our words, our thoughts,

Our minds consumed with

Music or verse or endless chatter,

We compose and recite and write or

Act, with the hope of leaving

A lasting impression,

But to die before our natural time

Causes those left behind to wonder

With sadness and confusion

What might have been done

To help a man so loved,

So esteemed,

So extraordinary,

From leaving us far too soon,

And so I sit here with my shadows

and thoughts remembering a man

Who once brought me laughter

And sunshine and smiles and made

This often too-dark world a happier place

And I think, Yes, that is his lasting

Impression, his legacy,

For though he left us too soon,

His truly was a life well lived, and

So to you, Mr. Williams, I say, thank you,

For teaching us expressions like, “Carpe Diem,”

My therapist asked me why I hold onto the past. I couldn’t give her an answer.

Now I can…

A Lifetime is a Long Time to Grieve

I was asked why I hold onto the past

No, it is not fear that makes me cling

It is pain. It is sadness. It is grief and a deep

Desire to always hold onto you, your memory

I fear to let go of the past is to let go of you

And I never want to let go of you.

I still miss you, every day, I miss your gentle, loving

Ways, I miss your kindness and security, I miss the way

I always knew I was loved when I was with you,

I miss you! And I never want to lose you, your voice,

Your memory. I have been sad since the day you left me…

Some grief is so deep, so real, can one ever let go?

Oh, I wish you were here, and I wish you hadn’t gone

So soon, too soon!

I know you never wanted this for me and if you were here

Now, you’d say, “Ingrid, I know you miss me, but I want you

To be happy. I want you to live. You have a good life and I am

Proud of the woman you’ve become. Let go of the past, heal,

And move on. I am still with you. I have never left you, but you

Need to let go of what was and embrace what is.

You will never forget me, Child, and I will always be here in your heart,

Loving you, caring for you, waiting for you, but not before you live

The life you were intended to live.

Be whole, Child, be true to yourself. I have no greater joy than

For you to be who you truly are.”

Let go of the past and live.

Copyright 2019