Strength

I search the embers for the home I knew,
For the life I once had,

There deep in the rumble lies my silver-plated music box,
A gift cherished, now destroyed,
Over there, yes, near that fallen cross beam
Is the meat tray from my mother’s china,
Even in the wet ashes the roses are still fresh,
Too bad the platter is broken,

That’s the story of my life, I am alive
But my memories are gone,
Burned away in the still of a cold, dark night,

“Oh, what’s the use,” I say to myself, if only
I had been consumed in the fire with that antique sofa,
My favorite place to lay reading a cherished book,
Now gone, all gone… And I must start over?
I’m 83 years old, how am I supposed to start over?

Across the wreckage the sun is rising in the east
Just it always has,
That old dependable sun giving me another morning,
A new day,

As its first golden rays creep across the dark ash
They catch a reflection, a burst of brightness,
There in the depth of black soot I dig,

It’s a picture, an old photo of a man’s smiling face,
The man I once called my own, he had always
Stood by me, holding me, supporting me,

And with that frame held to my breast, I knew,
Together, I had the strength to go one.

A Leap of Faith

I am standing on the edge, a precipice,
My world spread out before me, a vast, open canyon,
Do I take a step, perhaps a leap, of faith?

Or do I step back, away from the edge
And move to safer, more familiar ground?
It is easy to take the path more traveled
And return to a life planned for me,

But I have never been one to follow the herd,
No, I’ve always favored the road less traveled,
Moving on my own, the destination unknown,
Unmapped by those few who’ve gone before me,

But this world, this vast unknown frightens me,

I remind myself, fear is a known enemy,
For years I have faced it, head on, refusing to back down,
Not  bowing to its intimidation,

So why should I give in now? Age?
I am getting older, is this journey a path
For the young, their lives uncharted before them?

My God girl, you’re only fifty, why are so afraid?
Do you want to sit in a cubicle, working hard
For someone else, putting their lives, their wants
Ahead of your dreams, your goals, your desires?

Or do you take the risk and face your fear?

Your life is ahead of you, not behind you,
To deny yourself your future, is taking a step
Backwards, and that’s not you,

You are brave, courageous and strong,
Take a step, live, dare to dream, be you,
You were not meant to be boxed in,

Don’t put yourself in chains tied
To another’s dreams, force feeding their egos,
While you are sucked dry, slowly dying inside,
Your feet stuck on their path, not your own,

Remember fear is an enemy to be defeated,
Leap, child, leap, keep your eyes forward,
For yours is the world ahead not behind.

Forevermore

My world shattered when I was nine

You left me one last time,

I stood on the sofa and watched the lights

Swirl bright and red and I knew you were gone,

I cried and cried, I yelled and yelled,

You were my rock and then you were gone,

We went to the viewing, my family and I

So many people, all strangers,

And then there it was, a large metal box,

Inside was a body, all pasty and pale

Dressed in your finest dress, a flowered blue,

The eyes were closed with a look of peace

And I told everyone it wasn’t you,

If it had been you, you’d hold out your arms to me

Encircling me in your love’s security

When my parent’s fought, your bed was my haven

You were my shield, my advocate and then, you were gone,

Days later as I wept, missing you, you came to me

You held me once more in peace and serenity

You wiped my tears and gave me joy

Just like before and I knew you would be with me

Forevermore.

Your Legacy

For years, I watched you, learned from you,

You were my father, my role model,

For good or bad, right or wrong, indifferent,

Emotionally, you were luke-warm,

Physically, strong, determined, stoic,

Burying your pain, your sorrow and even loss

Deeper and deeper, inside you,

Do I mourn for you now?

In truth, I never knew you,

But I do mourn, not for you but, rather

What could have been, the relationship

We never had, the open, honest and even loving

Father-Daughter bond we could have shared,

Even today, when I think of you, I feel nothing

Perhaps that was what you intended, all along.